Tom Scocca is trying to rent out the apartment via Facebook.
Tom Scocca is not very good at using Facebook.
Tom Scocca is, as someone who has never once used the "Status Update" function, not sure why he has started thinking in Status Updates.
Tom Scocca is, in one of his last acts as a Chinese housewife, baking oatmeal cookies in the countertop oven.
Tom Scocca is trying to fit "baking cookies" into his mental draft of a Periodic Table of Procrastination.
Tom Scocca is not worrying about how to scale 1 teaspoon of vanilla down to 2/3 of a teaspoon, now that he has remembered that the measuring spoons are packed away in a box somewhere between here and the Port of Tianjin.
Tom Scocca is thinking that the Facebook status updates are basically a steady chorus of other people's internal monologues, only externalized.
Tom Scocca is substituting butter for shortening.
Tom Scocca is not a Twitter user, either.
Tom Scocca is hardly in a position to get on any sort of high horse about it, as the small but beleaguered set of people who receive his compulsive prisoner-tapping-on-a-wall SMS or instant-messenger dispatches can attest.
Tom Scocca is checking the first batch and can't tell if they're done.
Tom Scocca is figuring that, considering how enthusiastically the child ate the broccoli tonight, oatmeal cookies wouldn't be indefensible for breakfast.
Tom Scocca is out of breakfast ideas.
Tom Scocca is wondering if, when the child points at one of his pocket notebooks and says "Daddy," that counts as metonymy.
Tom Scocca is not even sure he's allowed to use Facebook to rent out the apartment.
Tom Scocca is remembering that long ago, he was an editor of the actual Eliot House facebook, which was published on paper.
Tom Scocca is recalling how they published a sonogram of Ken Winter's injured testicle and captioned it "Winter Ball."
Tom Scocca is not keen on the thought of getting evicted from Facebook by a bunch of 20-something-year-old billionaires in the event his attempt to rent out the apartment conflicts with their revenue-stream management rules.
